since I have posted something no one will read
I’m not being followed
nope
So theres no need to close my blinds and look everywhere
or over my shoulder for that matter
or lock my door
or sleep under a knife
I’m not being followed
I grow tired of this game.
Nearly three years now I have been caught up in this, and at this point I am about ready to go insane.
My whole life revolves around something that just died recently.
and I choke when I want to fix things, just start over, but I can’t.
I hate myself more than any one thing in this entire world. I fucked up, now I have to pay for it. I’m such a weakling.
Gone are the days when I could wake up for someone, and only now do I realize that each day I spend without it I lose myself more and more. Damn this.
The list of people who care about me thins, and the list of people who I’ve lost grows.
Not that it matters, the only one I actually care about I have already lost.
IRONIC ISN’T IT. How I fought so hard to not lose her, yet that is exactly why I lost her. I was so defensive that I never had the chance to have her in the first place.
Lost in a sea of despair.
Funny how I can care about someone more than anything I’ve ever known, and it will tear me apart, yet someone who can just throw that same person away after having her gets to even KNOW her, not to mention have her heart.
Anyone who does that deserves to have all their loved ones gutted alive and used as wall paper for the secluded room he spends the rest of his starved, tortured, and pathetic life alone in.
I just hope one day she finds someone who would have treated her like I wanted to. Someone she deserves.
and I hope she forgets me.
Its been so long, and this same damn affliction is tearing me apart. I can’t even stop it when I try.
I forget about it, and it just comes back around and destroys any chance I have at happiness.
False sense of security, hope, only followed by immediate letdown. It gets worse every time.
I won’t be able to take much more of this…
Not much left of me to chip away at
